Just a feeling
Do you know how it feels like to lie down and have your 2 year old son suddenly jump onto your chest? Well, multiply that by a hundred. That is how it feels. Almost. And it doesn't easily go away. It remains. Making it difficult to get out of bed. Making it difficult to speak. Making it difficult for me to do anything. But I go through the motion, everyday, without fail. I wake up when the alarm goes off, get her ready for school, get ready for work, do my reports as expected, come home as soon as I can, crawl into bed at times and sit with a mug of coffee sometimes with absolutely no thoughts. I do what is expected of me and help when it isn't expected of me. And the heaviness remains, throughout the day and throughout the night. No one suspects anything. I think about how I would speak if I were to feel normal and do that. I think about how I would behave if I were to feel normal and do that too. I laugh at the appropriate time, go for lunch with my col
